Everything Will Be OK = )

To tell you the truth, I've just been avoiding everything

Don't say you know me, when I don't even know myself

I think I'm afraid of being happy because every time I'm happy, something bad always happens….

When I do something great, no one ever seems to remember, but when I do something wrong, no one can ever seem to forget.

When I cry at night, the only thing I can think to myself is...how can I seem so perfectly fine in the morning. Why do I smile like nothing is wrong?  And how does not one single person notice that I'm not okay???

I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now.  All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any more of me left.  Everything that ever cause a tear to trickle down my cheeks, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me.  And I don't know what to do. I just know that the pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten times more. Teardrops slowly fall from my eyes as I look to the sky, and I question how come life keeps passing me right on by. I just wonder why I can't escape, is this my fate?  To always be unhappy and how much longer must I wait...I'm not saying I have nothing.  I'm not saying I'm gone completely. It's just sometimes it's all a bit too much to handle.  Sometimes I feel like it's too much.  I'm not going to do anything stupid because I know it will get better, it has to right?  Otherwise there wouldn't be anyone who would live past their teenage years.  But for now, just for now, it hurts.

I just don't feel like I know myself very well right now, so how can I be sure about anything?  Most of the time I feel so awkward, you know, like I don't belong in my own skin, I get frustrated at everything, I could just scream and there's no reason for it, I just hate myself.

Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand !!!!!